Walking through tulips

:)

2006-07-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

Well we transferred 2 beautiful blasts on Monday. My emotions are all over the place. It's 2 days later and I"m already freaking out about if it worked. I'm so nervous that it didn't. I want this SO bad. I can't imagine getting a BFP but at the same time can't imagine what will happen if I don't.

We're still waiting on if there were any to freeze. Doc said later this week he's email us. I think if we dont' hear by the end of today I'll email him and ask about it. They should have known by yesterday if they were gonna freeze any.

I can go in for a pregnancy test on Monday. I'm gonna see what my work schedule is first so I don't go in on a day I"m working. I just couldn't handle getting bad news at work.

I'm feeling ok with some horrible gas stuff off and on. Yesterday I thought maybe I had OHSS but I dont' think so today.

WOW

2006-07-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

First off sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been caught in the IVF whirlwind. So we had egg retrieval on Wednesday. They got 15 eggs. Then the long wait began. Let me go back for a minute. Last Sunday I went in for an U/S cause the doc thought I might be mature enough to trigger. Well the news wasnt' good. Doc said that the follicles seemed to have shrunk. I freaked out. Doc seemed calm but I didn't like this news one bit. It didn't help that I was sleep deprived
from being forced to get up before dawn on Saturday and Sunday. It took all my courage to make it through the day. Monday came with good news. The follicle worked hard overnight and I was ready to trigger. We would go in at 6:00am on Wednesday morning. This meant leaving the house around 4:45am. It was ok cause it was all for a good cause.

Ok so that brings us back to retrieval. I was SO nervous. Not about the procedure but about how many eggs they'd get. I couldn't wait for them to put me under so I could wake up and know how many they got. In recovery the very first thing I remember is saying 15 eggs. Now I"m not sure if Eric told me or if I asked him. A tear fled my eye. I was so happy to get that many! I kept repeating over and over- 15 eggs. The nurse asked me how I was feeling and all I could say was 15 eggs.

About 30 minutes later we were on our way home. I was a bit sore but nothing I couldn't handle. I didn't even need tylenol. The doc said he'd call me the next day with the fertilization report. We waited all day on Thursday and nothing. I was on pins and needles all day. Finally I called the office and got the cold shoulder. They made me feel like I was crazy. They wouldn't get in contact with the doctor. I cried and cried. I equated it to having a child in the ICU and no one would tell you what was going on. I was devestated. We spent another nervous night.

Finally this morning around 10am I couldn't wait anymore and had Eric call. He left a message. I had to get out of the house. When I returned I called him and he had the news.

Out of the 15 eggs 12 were immediately mature and one more matured while they were waiting. Waiting for what I don't know and I don't care. So they had 13 to work with. Of those 13, 11 fertilized! YEP 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so thrilled. I was expecting maybe 8 to fetilize. We won't here anything more until we go in on Monday for the transfer, unless something really bad happens.

I actually feel for the first time that I WILL be a mom. I am so happy!!!! I want to thank everyone who has been praying for us. I know there are a lot of you and hope you'll continue to pray for us. I also hope this got you into a good pattern of prayer for your everyday life. God deserves fellowship from all of us during good times and bad. I know I pray for each of you in whatever you're going through at this time, be it infertility, planning a wedding, or looking for a job. God bless you all!

Move out of my way I'm charging through!

2006-07-12T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well, I had an ultrasound today. I already have 10 follicles right around 10mm and over(plus 2 that are over 16, but those are the old cysts). Also I have 5-10 on EACH ovary that are under 10mm. So tonight I'll be starting the cetrotide along with the continued dose of 300iu of Gonal F, aspirin and the prenatal vitamin. I go back on Friday at 9:15am for another check. On Friday they should be reducing the Gonal F but also adding the low dose HCG. I wonder how long it will be before I trigger? This is going SO FAST! Oh forgot to say my E2 is at 161 more then triple what it was on Saturday!

Things are underway!

2006-07-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

WOW. After my last post Af finally decided to make an appearance. I was so incredibly busy and exhausted with work last weekend that this is the first I've had to post. Anyway, Saturday was cd2 and I went in for bloodwork and U/S. My E2 level was 58, LH-3.98, FSH- 4.5, Progesterone- 0.58 or so. The u/s did show a cyst however. I guess it was ok to go ahead since my numbers were so low. I started taking the Gonal F shots on Saturday night. I'm on 300iu for now. I'm also taking baby aspirin and of course the prenatal vitamin. I have another appointment tomorrow. Hopefully things are progressing nicely. I know at some point we'll be adding cetrotide and low dose HCG. Then of course it will be the trigger and then.... ER. WOW. That's all I can say!

I love this new RE. They have a little monitor that I can watch during the u/s. They are so thorough and informative. I"m actually excited to go back rather then dreading it like I used to. I think tomorrow I'll take a trip to some naperville stores after the appointment. :)

And now for your amusement a little story from Saturday.
After the U/S the nurse told me that they had some wipes that I could use to clean off. I looked on the counter and there was a huge container of wipes. I grabbed a couple and cleaned up. About 30 seconds later I had this horrible burning! I looked at the giant container of wipes and it said disinfectant wipes. OMG I had just used the wipes meant to clean off the table. OOPS. I then found the wipes meant for me. They were more like towelettes. I quickly grabbed a couple and ran to the bathroom. Luckily those made me feel better. I will never make that mistake again!!

Tic Toc

2006-07-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah I'm still here and still waiting for my lovely friend to show. The RE gave me provera for 5 days and I stopped that a week ago. I had some lovely spotting but that has seemed to stop. I'm so tired of all this waiting!! There is nothing I can do until at least Tuesday. I'm hoping AF shows by then. I actually took a pg test this morning thinking that that would definately bring on Af like all of the other months. No such luck yet. I guess we'll see what the weekend brings. Normally it wouldn't bother me too much. Unfortunately I requested 2 weeks off of work starting the 17th. I guess I'll just tell them I am available for work now.

So more waiting for us. tic toc, tic toc.

protocol

2006-06-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

Well looks like I'll be taking Provera to bring on my period. I'll take the pill for 5 days and it should arrive within 2 weeks of stopping the pill. I also got my protocol.

cd1: call the office
cd2/3: u/s and bloodwork for baseline, start Gonal F 300 units per day

I'll be going in for u/s every so often and then when I need it I'll take cetrotide ( I guess doc still wants me on it) and low dose HCG

when I"m ready I'll do the HCG trigger shot. It will be 15,000 units ( I did 10,000 with IUI)

Then 36 hours later it's IVF retrieval, 5 days after that its transfer. Hopefully we'll have enough left over to freeze a few!

She said I'd be on the stims for up to 10 days (I"m thinking it will take almost the whole time)

As soon as my period arrives I'll have a slightly better time frame in mind.

Now lets hope work lets me off or I'll have to quit!

Movin' on up..

2006-06-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

We signed all of our consents yesterday. We also had our blood tests. It was Eric's first blood draw so the nurses were standing by in case of fainting. It was quite comical actually. The retrieval and transfer of the embryo's will take place downtown. We're hoping for a NON rush hour appointment for that. I'm still waiting to hear about my protocol because as it turns out the cetrotide makes my follicles disappear. It would have been nice to know this AFTER my first failed IUI so we didnt' waste more time and money on a second one. GRRR

We also made the huge decision to move up the schedule. We'll start the IVF process when my next period arrives as long as it's about 2 weeks away or more. We're waiting on my progesterone test results from yesterday to see if I've ovuated this cycle yet. Hopefully those results will come in toay.

As soon as I get my drug protocol I'll put it up on here.

Numbers!

2006-06-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

With our impending IVF coming up I've been thinking alot about probabilities and numbers, so here are some from the TTC journey.

15 1/2 --- months that we've been TTC
2- the number of birthdays I've had since TTC
26- the cycle day I'm currently on (and I don't think I've O'd yet)
12- the number of times I've stuck myself with needles for my IUI attempts.
2- the number of IUI attmepts we've had
3- doctors that have tried to get us pregnant
$4,000- spent on the IUI attempts
$4,000- spent out of pocket on IF testing
$30,000- spent by insurance for my surgery
6- medications I was taking at one time during any given cycle
30%- chance we were told by RE #1 of getting pg with IUI
5%- chance, the true chance we had with IUI
50%- chance of giving birth with the help of IVF
10- breakdowns I've had in trying to deal with insurance since starting this process
30- times of other emotional breakdowns related to various TTC topics
4- number of times we've told the IL's about our TTC troubles with barely a response
$14,000- cost of one IVF cycle
$5,000- cost of an FET cycle
150- OPK's I've taken
10- pregnancy tests I've taken
30- blood tests I've had in the last 6 months
700- times (at least) weve prayed to get pregnant
270,000,000- sperm Eric has
3%- of those sperm are normal shape
50%- are highly motile
1%- chance of getting pregnant without medical help
1- job I had to get to pay for all of this
26- hours a week I work
0- hours of really good sleep I've had since starting work
20,000,000- times we've been asked "when are you gonna have kids"
2- mother's day's and father's day's we've been sad
1-Christmas that we've suffered through without a baby
2- Easters with no baby

I'm sure there are more but that's all I can think of right now. Some might wonder if all this is worth it. All I can say is when we finally hold that baby(s) in our arms I hope that all those numbers fade away and we can enjoy the 1 or 2 that we've been dreaming of for so long!

IVF here we come!

2006-06-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well after talking to the insurance it appears that for some reason we haven't used any of our IF coverage yet. We have $5,000 lifetime coverage at 60% so hopefully that will be at least half of our IVF cycle. We decided to make an appointment for consent signing and injections class. Next Tuesday the 20th is the day! We'll have to fork over some cash for the embryo freezing that day I think also. We'll also be getting HIV and Hepatitis tests that day.

We thought we were gonna wait til August to do this but now we're reconsidering. I still haven't O'd this cycle so that means we're in for a long haul. IF I don't O before the end of the week we might just start with my next period. It all depends on how next weeks appointment goes and when we get the drugs ect. So it's up in the air right now. I go back and forth with hoping that these last 2 cycles might get us a BFP but the chances are so slim. Even Eric has lost all hope in conceiving without medical intervention. I know that both of us are happy that it's not a problem with just one of us but that both of us have some issue. Alhtough my tubal issue should now be resolved due to the surgery, there could be new scar tissue that forms due to the surgery itself. Eric started taking extra doses of folic acid to help his swimmers develop more normally. Hopefully his count will stay up and his morphogy improves, although it isnt' necessary now that we're doing the IVF.

I often wonder if we would have met in college and got married then, if this would be an issue. There is no way to know, but I must say I wouldn't have minded being married and starting a family a few years ago. Of course by today's standards we're still very young but I can't help but wonder if only we would have tried to get pregnant when I was say 24 instead of 26-28 if that would have made a difference (of course we didn't know each other when I was 24 LOL).

A NEW HOPE!

2006-06-06T18:06:00.000-07:00

First let me just tell you that my old clinic SUCKED! I found out stuff today that I had no idea about. For instance during my HSG in Feb both tubes WERE blocked but the doc unblocked one of them. Also during my lap he found mystery scar tissue on the back of my uterus. The new doc had no idea what that was! There is plenty more but I"m gonna decide to focus on the good stuff.

1.) We have the option to do more IUI's if we want for $1,700.00 a piece with less then 15% chance of a pg with a 30% chance that a pg could end up in triplets (YIKES)
2.) We can go right to IVF for $12,000 and have a 45% chance of a LIVE BIRTH, with a 30% chance of twins ( YAY)
3.) If we do IVF and have embryo's left for freezing it's $1,200 for the freeze and year of storage and an FET cycle has the same percentage rate of success as a fresh cycle at this clinic and it's only about $5,000
4.)This doc's protocol does NOT include BCP so the month we decide to do it we just call when I get my period and it's a go!
5.)we have online access to our medical records so we can look up all the labwork results and follicle count anytime!
6.) we should have at least $4000 left in insurance benefits so part of the cycle should be covered!!
7.) I think we'll be calling the doc and letting them know we'll do the IVF and SOON :)

Any question :)

gotta love the waiting!

2006-06-01T11:07:00.000-07:00

Well there has been a rash of BFP's over on good old FF. Congrats to all of you. Unfortunately it just reminds me of all the waiting I'm doing right now. Waiting for the RE appointment (T minus 5 days), waiting til we have enough money for IVF, ect. ect. Have I told you all how much I HATE waiting!! About 6 months ago I thought that maybe the reason we werent' pg yet was cause God was trying to teach me patience. Well I thought I learned that about 4 months ago, but I guess I'm not done learning yet. Hopefully I'll be done learning the patience lesson soon!

Well now I'm just babbling. As you can see there is not much going on right now. Oh work is getting better so that's a good thing I guess. I'll be back for another post after my appointment on Tuesday.

25.1

2006-05-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

Today was my pregnancy test appointment. I asked her what my progesterone was last Friday and she said "25.1 that's good". This sent me into a panic. I knew that last IUI my progesterone was in the 40's and that was without meds. I thought it may be good for some people but it's low for me! If only the nurse had left that number on the answering maching I would have taken it upon myself to increase my daily progesterone dose. I feel cheated! If ONLY! You know I"m so tired of that phrase. I'm so ready to kiss this clinic goodbye, but why do I feel so disloyal? I shouldn't they havent' done much for me.

I told the nurse about all the spotting, that's right spotting. AF hasn't really shown full force yet. She said in a happy little voice "oh that could be implant spotting, it happens to a lot of people". I felt like slugging her. I mean yes it happens to some but I KNOW MY BODY! I'm not pregnant. Why do people feel the need to give me false hope. I'm sick and tired of it. Please let me wallow in my misery for at least a couple of days. I know that I will be a mom I don't want to hear it when I'm holding back tears, I just don't. And why do people feel the need in one sentance to say sorry and then the next show me pictures of their children? It's getting old and frustrating! I swear people don't think before they talk (or write). I guess people don't realize that it seems like they're bragging. It's like hahaha I have a child and you don't! Don't they realize that I would give anything to have sleep deprivation or change diapers every second of the day not to mention beach trips and park trips ect. I want it all!! Don't get me wrong most days I don't mind hearing about it and with some people I'm always up to seeing gorgeous pictures of their babies, but not when I just found out about NOT being pregnant AGAIN!

Wow that's quite the rant for the day but it feels good to get it off my chest even if it's only 3 people reading it. LOL

Another $1500 wasted!

2006-05-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

After being told on Friday that my progesterone was "great" AF started around midnight on Sunday morning. I'm beside myself with anger. Why would I have an 8 day LP WHILE on progesterone??!!??!! I'll call the clinic later and let them know about the surprise AF. We'll get our records transferred to the new doc this week and hopefully never look back to this clinic again! I've lost all faith in them. I really don't think they know what they're doing! I'm sorry it took us this long and $8,000 to figure that out. OUCH!

We're hoping that Erics morph will be better for this new doc. If it goes up just 2% we should qualify for his free IVF study, that is unless he thinks I have PCOS (which I suspect I do). If that's the case we'll have to pay for it. We're aiming for August as IVF month or at least the start of the process. We figure we'll have enough money by then.

So looks like the earliest we'll have a baby is May or June of 2007. Man this SUCKS!

Friday!!!! YAY!

2006-05-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

Friday is IUI day! I sure hope this one works! I have to take another dose of Gonal F tonight. Then tomorrow MORNING I take my last dose along with the trigger. Then 10am on Friday we'll be at the doctor's office. I'm so glad it's on Friday. This way I can enjoy my last weekend of freedom without the worry of shots! Hopefully it will be my last shot EVER! Soon I'll be starting the progesterone pills though. Ah well at least it's not a shot!

OUCH!

2006-05-09T08:12:00.000-07:00

On Friday I had my first wanding for this cycle. Things looked good. I have 5 nice follices measureing 12-8 in sizes. I was ordered to stay on the same dose of meds. Yesterday I had another check. THere were TONS of follicles that time the largest was at 16. I was to stay on the same dose and also take the 3mg of cetrotide. This is where the ouch comes in! That was SOOOO much ligued that had to go into my belly. The whole area around it turned red and it was painful! It definately feels bruised, but there is no physical bruise there as of yet. It actually hurt to sleep on my tummy last night. At least this shot lasts for 3 days so hopefully it will last until trigger day and the IUI. I have another check tomorrow. I hope I'm almost ready to go! I want the IUI on Friday. That way Eric can take the day off and we can spend the day together before I start work on Monday. UGH work I hate that word. Most people wouldn't mind going back to work and honestly I dont' either. BUT for nurses going back to work means giving up all your weekends and holidays, which I do mind doing! I already feel horribe that Eric will have a 3 day weekend for memorial day and I'll probably be working the whole time. I'm guessing the same thing will happen for the 4th of July. Normal people just dont' think about what nurses have to give up to keep them safe!

I hope each and everyone of you reading this will remember that next time you get sick. Nurses are real people with lives that they are giving up to serve you! Stepping off my soap box now. :)

So much has changed in 2 short days!

2006-05-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

I'm rejoining the workforce. I got a call on Tuesday morning about I job I applied for over the weekend. I had the interview yesterday, piece of cake! I will be working the 2-10 shift part time at a nursing home. I was a bit nervous before the interview since it had been so long since I worked last. It was a breeze though. They were not at all concerned about the fact that my CPR was expired. Apparently I'll just renew it there. All I have to do today is call them and accept the offer. The funniest part of the whole thing is I have to wear one of those old nurses caps. You know the caps no one wears anymore. Dont worry I'll take a picture and post it after I get the cap. I guess having to go back to work so we can afford IVF will be ok after all!

Meanwhile, we decided to get a 2nd opinion for a different RE. I was looking at my current RE's stats for IVF and they are really bad. Apparently the embryology lab isn't the greatest. So we did a little research and found someone else that had a pg success rate of 43% so we'll go with him. We have an appointment on June 6th. We're still hoping and praying that this cycle works and we dont' have to go that route but if it doesnt' we'll be on another break cycle in June to come up with a new plan. We feel really good about our decision and feel that we'll be pg before the end of the year!

Eric took me out to dinner last night to celebrate my new job. Now lets hope the offer is still good when I call today. LOL

Back in the saddle!

2006-05-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

CD4 today and all is well. I had my baseline U/S and labs today. My ovaries are looking good. I start the Gonal F again tomorrow. It will be the same dose as last time, 225. Friday is my follie check. I'll find out then when my next check will be. I'm really hoping I don't have to wait til cd 15 for the IUI like last time. I"m hoping for cd12 or so. We shall see. I also hope that Eric's boss doesn't decide to come to town next week. He always seems to come when Eric needs a day or part of a day off.

In other news we have now joined the new church closer to our house. Next Sunday we have to make our introduction video that will be played in church the day we're introduced as memebers. I've struggled since last year with whether or not to tell people at church like the pastor ect. about our infertility struggles. Sometimes I feel if more people were praying it would make a difference BUT I just dont' know if I"m ready for all of them to know. Maybe I'll email the pastor at some point and let him in on our little secret.

We've decided that if the insurance pays for the meds then we'll do one more IUI after this one if this one doesn't work. Also I am now job hunting so that we can afford IVF if it comes to that point. If we dont' end up needing IVF then we'll use the money for a new car. Plus it will keep my busy during all this waiting. I will also feel like I'm not wasting my education and that I'm helping people again.

14 months and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!

2006-04-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

Looks like another cycle is down the tubes! I tested this morning and BFN. I was really starting to have hope this cycle. I mean how could I not with no spotting on my usual 12 and 13dpo. Today I"m 14dpo( or maybe even 16dpo) and still no spotting as of yet. A cruel joke is being played on me. I"m ready for AF now and it's NOT coming! I really need to get this next cycle started or we'll have to postpone another cycle cause we have to be in MI on May 20th for BIL's graduation. Just my luck if AF doesn't start the IUI would fall on that day.

Found out yesterday that to be cash patients we pay the amount at the beginning of the cycle. So when I go in for cd3 bloodwork I"ll hand over the $1500 for the IUI cycle. At least it includes everything and I won't have to pay the copay each time! So IUI #2 and potentially the last one, here we come!

In other news I thought you'd all like to know that I ordered a new bra today from Vikki's secret. Yep had to go a back size bigger from all this non-existant excersising I've been doing during the last month of illnesses. BLECH!

another money tragedy averted!

2006-04-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

I must seem SO dramatic to all of you. This time I did not post until I had the answer. Saturday we got another statement from the insurance that said we owe $10,000 to the surgi center where I had my lap. You better believe my husband and I both had to change our underwear. LOL. Apparently being pre approved doesn't mean you're pre approved!?! The surgi center was out of network and we have another $8,000 deductable besides the $4,000 in network deductable we already paid. Eric called the clinic today to see what the heck was going on since we were told all we would owe was $1,000 for the anesthesia. Thankfully she said the surgi center has a contract with my doc that says they will accept whatever the insurance will pay and not bill the patient. THANK GOD! They billed the insurance about $15,000 and the insurance paid them $5,000 already. I'm not even sure the 3 hours I was in their facility was worth $5,000 let alone $15,000 but whatever. I mean how can they charge so much just for being in their building? It's insane!!!

Another money tragedy was definately averted with this one. I really hope this is the last insurance problem we have!

Another kink in the road.

2006-04-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

I swear if I have any more butt issues this year I"m gonna scream! I've been having this horrid and I mean excutiatingly horrid pain near my coccyx for the last 3 days. There was a swollen, bright red, painful area there too. Being a nurse I though oh it's nothing I'll just wait it out or try a home remedy. In case you don't know nurses frequently try to do their own diagnosis to avoid going to the horrible doctors. ;) Anyway, it got so bad last night that even lying on my stomach hurt. So this morning my wonderful husband took the day off of work to take me to the urgent care center. DX: large cyst. Yes I too was wondering how in the heck did I get that there. Apparently the bike ride that we took on Saturday contributed to it. So needless to say I"m terrified of riding my bike now. Luckiy the doc could drain it right there in the office. I was so relieved.

They gave me a shot of torodol (pain med) and had me lay on the table. SO far so good. Then it was time to numb the area. I don't usually swear but HOLY HELL that hurt! I think it could be the new form of torture. Thankfully once that was done the area was numb so the rest of the procedure was virtually painless. The doc actually cut the area open. Eric said he had never seen so much blood in his life. Now I've got about 6 inches of gauze packing on my butt so it looks like i"m wearing a diaper. I don't care cause I feel SO much better! I can actually sit down now. I got some nice drugs to take too along with an antibiotic. In case you're wondering I had him prescribe drugs that are safe during pregnancy just in case of the off chance that I am. Hopefully I didn't jinx myself.

Well now that I've had about every problem one can possibly have with there butt maybe we can move on to other problems like morning sickness and fatique!

Dark Day

2006-04-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Easter. We headed to Eric's grandma's for dinner. Everything was going really well. Then IT happened. She announced that one of his cousins is gonna have a baby in December. She is gonna be a great-grandma. I'm sure I turned white as a ghost. I was so upset. I"m surprised I didn't burst into tears right there! We were supposed to produce her first great-grandchild. I"m devestated. If only we would have gotten pregnant last year, her first would already be born!! And another thing, who announces their pregnancy to the world at only 4 weeks? That tells me a lot in and of itself. Obviously they weren't trying for long. If she was an infertile like me she definately would have waited a few more weeks. She has that naivity that only a fertile can have. UGH what a way to turn a perfectly nice day into a disaster!

After this horrid announcement we played catch pharse. This game is cruel and unusual punishment for an infertile. The 2 most memorable words- adoption and test tube baby!?!. The clues they gave were horrible. "what happens when a couple can't have a baby" and "when a couple can't have a baby they go to a special doctor and can get this". Ok, since we might be heading to IVF in a few short months I take particular offense to the term "test tube baby". What a cruel joke to play on someone that just found out that someone in the family is pregnant with the baby that we were supposed to have. UGH I truely want to be happy for his cousin but it's hard. One good thing is she is OLDER then him so I guess it was her turn first. UGH

Like I said a dark day!

Bills!

2006-04-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

The bills have started pouring in. The other day I paid some lab bills. Not too big of a deal. Today the real bills came. The RE bill is 7 pages long. That's right 7 pages! It all looked fine and dandy until I got to page 5. $4500.00?!? WHAT? That was part of the lap. I feverishly looked up the insurance coverage papers I received a couple days ago. It says that $4500 IS covered and PAID already. SO now we have to call the RE billers (not the brightest in the bunch) and straighten this all out. SO the TRUE grand total should be a bit over $1200. We will also be getting a bill from the anesthesiologist for $1000, but we knew that going in. The RE better straighten this out cause there is NO WAY we're paying $5700+ the anesthesia + whatever they haven't billed for last cycle yet. I must say my heart is jumpy and I feel sick.

Yet again I'm having my lovely husband call and talk to them or I'll just yell and probably get charged more. LOL. Along with the bills today came: 1 flat tire, 1 broken bra, many poker losses, missing 1099 form, and a partridge in a pear tree!

You may ask if there's a silver lining? Well we DID get the insurance rebate for the meds we overpaid last cycle. It is just about $50 shy of covering the TRUE amount we owe to the RE so our bank account should hurt too much. PHEW!

I officially hate this break!

2006-04-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

We decided a couple weeks ago to do one more IUI then meet with the doc about IVF. Sounds like a great plan right? Well it seemed like a great plan BUT now I'm stuck in my current cycle with no O in sight! GRR I want to get to IVF by June but now it's looking more like July. This SUCKS! I hate waiting and waiting to O is the worst part of it!

I officially turned 28 last Thursday. It was a horrible birthday. I had a brutal cold and couldn't do anything. It was a gorgeous day and all I could do was stare out the window. I suppose it didn't help that I thought I'd be a mom by my 28th birthday. Just another deadline that passed by. Our new deadline is to have a baby by my next birthday. This gives us til about July to get pregnant. The deadline after that will be to be pregnant by Eric's birthday in december. Hopefully we make the first deadline! I just really want to be pregnant before Christmas!

So I guess it's on to more waiting for me.

Normal!?!

2006-04-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

Dare I say it, I feel NORMAL! This month off is doing us loads of good. Yes we still talk about "when" we have kids this and that, but it's not all consuming! If feels great! I no longer have the urge to stop in any and every baby store I can. I don't preface every conversation with when we have kids. And I'm able to do normal things without thought of "will that interfere with a doctors appointment". We had an interesting, but very "normal" weekend!

On Friday I was all set to go see a local production of Joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat with my MIL. I had it all planned out. I was gonna leave early to miss the rush hour traffic and stop at the mall for some window shopping before going to their house. I must admit I wasn't in the best of moods because I had one of my horrid changing weather headaches but I was gonna muddle through and hope for the best. Then it happened. I got in my car, but it wouldn't start. UGH all of the pep talks I gave myself to ignore my headache and go, came crashing down. I had Eric call his parents and let them know I wouldn't be coming after all. FIL called back and offered to pick me up. That was extremely nice of him. So I went and had a fabulous time! Even got some pumpkin pie after the performance.

Saturday we called AAA to tow our car to the shop. Tow guy arrived only to be able to start the car with just a little finessing. This happened once before so we still brought it to the shop to get it checked out. $363 later the car was good to go. We actually were able to have a nice breakfast at IHOP while we waited! We got new cell phones this weekend also. I love them! We had really old models until now. Flip phones are really nice. No more worries about accidentally calling someone. Oh and I love my new realistic, melodic ring tone! We then headed out to find Eric a bicycle! Too bad it was a bit chilly and we didn't get a chance to test it out. The rest of the day we spent relaxing and perfecting our poker playing skills.

Sunday was time change. Good thing church isn't until 10:45. LOL It was a thought provoking message about cat vs. dog theology. I must admit I've been more like a cat - thinking God is there for me. I"m gonna try to be more like a dog- knowing that I'm here for God's pleasure- from now on. Challenging, yes, impossible, I hope not. We then had a 4 hour break before we had to be back at church for our new member class. This was also thought provoking. I won't get into that though. Then it was time for Desperate Housewives and Greys Anatomy.

As you can see a very NORMAL weekend. I can't help but wonder if we'll be able to keep the normalcy going. I hope so!

Price list is in!

2006-03-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

First off I need to remember the name KIM! She is the only one that knows what she is talking about. So for IUI it's $1200-1500 not including meds. For IVF it's $9750 including ICSI, anesthesia, and sperm freezing (not sure what this is for). Of course meds are separate there too. For an FET it's $2500.

The plan if Eric agrees is to do one more cycle of IUI/injects and if that doesn't work we'll meet with the doctor about IVF. The other thing that came out of this is that I'll be taking the prometrium next cycle no matter how high my progesterone is.

So on to relaxing!!

Everything in perspecitve

2006-03-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

During the most recent insurance fiasko I've realized that what's important to me isn't always top priority for others. I suppose I already knew this but it's hit home in the last couple of days.

Exhibit 1: Friday I had to wait ALL day to get the results of my blood work. Then the horrid news was just casually slipped in - YOU HAVE NO IF COVERAGE-. Wait, did I hear that right? Yep sure did. I was told to call "Vanessa" on Monday to talk about it. Eric called the insurance himself and sure enough- "oops we made an error". WHAT! Monday came. I called the clinic. "Vanessa" wasnt' there. HUH? she said to call her today. Where is she? She's in court, probably trying to get child support for the many children she most likely has. Have I mentioned I HATE the name Vanessa. It's synonimous with CRUELLA DEVILLE in my opinion!

Exhibit 2: Tuesday, 9am placed call to "Vanessa". She had NO CLUE what I was talking about. Could she have forgotten already? I mean SHE'S the one that told me to call HER! One of the nurses kindly refreshed her memory. Yep no insurance coverage. She said she had called the insurance on JANUARY 10th and they said that we didn't have IF coverage. WHAT! Yes I did ask WHY she failed to inform us of this since we were obviously under the impretion we had coverage. She said she had someone else call to confirm and the insurance told that person we DID have coverage. She said I needed to call "Lorena" to get package prices if we wanted to continue treatment paying in cash. I then asked if we could change the last cycle to cash since it would be cheaper. That's another question for "Lorena".

Exhibit 3: 11am called "Lorena". Receptionist said she didn't answer the phone so she'd have to call me back. I dont' have much faith in this receptionist since she said the same thing to Eric yesterday and no one called. It is now 12:30- no call yet!

So again we wait. This whole thing is so frustrating! It's hard for me to remember back to a carefree existance, yet it was only a year ago that we were feeling on top of the world. Boy things can sure change in a year! Maybe one day we'll feel that way again. Hopefully sooner raher than later!

Back to square 1

2006-03-24T14:57:00.000-08:00

So as we all expected the test was negative! The insurance has somehow changed their minds about coverage also. After telling us we have $5k in lifetime IF benefits they have now said all that we have is coverage for diagnostic. Of course they tell us this AFTER we did a cycle of IUI. I can't believe this. We are beside ourselves. This is a huge devestating blow to our plans. We'll be taking this cycle off so we can get this all figured out. I have to call "Vanessa" on Monday and talk to her about all of this. I"m hoping to get a meeting with her next week to talk about cash prices for everything. This is REDICULOUS!!

I would like to SUE this insurance company! I'm sure those of you who have this particular insurance know what I"m talking about!!!!

spotting, spotting ...

2006-03-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

CD1. Yep I said it. Seems like AF decided to make a VERY unwelcomed EARLY visit. I started spotting yesterday. Today it seems to be progressing to AF. I've never had an LP this short before. I'm very confused by this. You bet I'll be calling the RE later. I just want to make sure this is cd1 so we can get cd3 bloodwork and all that set up. I just want to scream. Everything had been so perfect up until this point. Why did this happen. Well you better believe I"ll be taking progesterone supplements this cycle no matter how high my progesterone is!!

I did look up the due date if we were to be successful this cycle. It would be dec 28th. We might still get our 2006 baby after all!

waiting, waiting, waiting

2006-03-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

I thought this 2ww was going to be easier then normal since it is only 11 days. NOPE. I"m going nuts. I am trying to muster the strength to get me to the next cycle. I'm having a really hard time doing that at this point. I really want to have kids but I don't want to do this anymore either. Yes it's only been one injectables/IUI cycle and there might be a long road ahead of us yet, but my emotions are going crazy right now! Why couldn't it just happen?? I better stop before I start crying again!

To those of you on symptom watch here goes. I've had sore bbs on and of since about 4dpo, my moods have been CRAZY, and I started having a little cramping today. The sore bb's and cramping is nothing new, BUT the moods seem a lot more extreme then usual. We'll see what happens in 48 hours. Here's praying for good news!

Hanging in there

2006-03-17T08:25:00.000-08:00

Well it's one week until my pregnancy test. I'm doing ok, trying not to think about it. I had a progesterone test today. If it comes back on the low side I'll have to take prometrium 3 times a day. I hope it comes back nice and high. Usually it does when I'm taking medication, although it's only 4dpo so who knows. I'm not looking forward to taking those 3 times a day. Imagine how moody I"ll be then. I'm already moody enough as it is.

Yesterday I was at the flower and garden show on Navy Pier. Can you say senior citizen convention? If you're old and single that's the place to go to meet women!! I was with MIL and some of her friends. The highlight of my day was when the group of them started talking about when/how they conceived their kids. I almost lost my lunch! Thankfully MIL refrained from adding to that conversation. That is one thing I DON'T want to know. Mom if you're reading this I NEVER want to now how/when/where you were when I was concieved!!

TGIF!

Today was the day!!

2006-03-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

Sorry for not updating. My blogger was acting crazy this weekend. So I though Friday was gonna be the day to trigger but NOPE. I had to stim on Friday and on saturday. I went in on Sunday morning and was ready to go!! YAY. As soon as I got home from the appointment I triggered. I went in late this morning for the IUI. I think everything went ok. She had a little trouble getting the catheter through my cervix but everything seemed to work. I then got to lay on the table with my knees propped for 20 minutes. I'm hoping it works out this cycle. I have to go back on Friday for labs and on the 24th for the pregnancy test. I'm not sure why I only have to wait 11 days for the test but oh well. The less time to wait the better I guess. I just hope it's accurate by then. Let the 11 day wait begin.

The good nurse :)

2006-03-08T10:48:00.000-08:00

Had another appointment with Mr. Happy today. Things are looking really good so far. My lining is at a 12 which is nice and thick. I have 4 lead follies at 20, 16, 15, and 11. The nurse said the doc usually likes them all to be over 18 before trigger. Depending on what my estrodial and LH levels are today, we'll see if the meds need to be adjusted or if I'll need to use the cetrotide to prevent ovulation so the other follies can catch up a little. I hope we can do the IUI in the next couple of days. We shall see. At the moment I"m so excited to know that I won't have to wait forever to ovulate. I'm still hoping that this will be THE cycle and the baby will be due on Eric's birthday!! I had the good nurse today. She is so much more personable then the other one and it was so much easier asking her questions.

There was another couple there doing IVF. Not sure if it was retrieval or transfer for them today. I wanted to form my own personal cheering section for them but decided it wasn't appropriate. LOL I hope it works out for them but I suppose I'll never know. There was also another lady that came in while I was waiting. She had a cute little 2 year old girl with her. Surprisingly it wasnt' hard at all. It gave me hope.

The meds are working!

2006-03-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

I had the dildo cam today. I started laughing when she put the condom on the thing. It just struck me as super funny today. She didn't get why I was laughing. Anyway, she said that things looked good. My biggest is 13mm X 10mm. I'm on cd8 so I think that's pretty good. I also had some blood taken today. They'll get my estrogen results and then compare that with the eggs and let me know what dose I need to take today. I really hope that we can do the insemination on Friday or so. For now lets hope the dose of the med doesn't go up!!

It's snowing again. UGH I'm SO ready for spring. I hope this is the last of winter!

One Year Today.

2006-03-05T15:32:00.000-08:00

March 5, 2005 af showed up. I was hoping for it to be the last one for quite a while. Boy was I wrong! Today marks 1 year of trying. A year and a week ago we threw out the birth control. We were in Vegas. I guess I should have asked for odds on a pregnancy. Someone somewhere could have made lots of money of off us. Oh wait someone already has. Lets see we've donated money to pregnancy test makers, ovulation predictor test makers, vitamin manufacturers, OB's, RE's, Anesthesiologists, insurance companys, and fertility medication makers, oh and lets not forget pregnancy clothes manufacturers, and baby item makers galore. Where are we now? Hopefully a little closer to our baby. Tonight is night 3 of injections. So far I don't have any bruises on my tummy. Hopefully it stays that way! Tomorrow is my first ultrasound while being on the medication. We're hoping for multiple follicles that are getting large. I don't want to have to spend more money on meds this cycle. So what's the silver lining in all of this? Well, it's the wonderful people I've met on FF. And yes that is something else we've spent money on this year. ;) Thanks for keeping me company ladies- you know who you are!

Price Gouging!!

2006-03-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

OK here's a huge example of price gouging. One of my buddies from a group I'm in got these meds for IVF and payed out of pocket:
Gonal-F 900 pen - 3pens + 2 refills
Gonal-F 300 pen - 1 pen + 2 refills
Repronex 10IU vial
MDLupron 1 + 1 refill
ortho-novum - 1 pack
doxycycline (antibiotics) - 10 tabs 100mg
hCG - 10,000IU
medrol - 5 tabs (not sure what this is for, need to look it up)
PIO - 1 vial + 1 refill tranxene - 1 tab (not sure on this either)
prometrium - 60 tabs + 2 refills
needles + syringes + sharps container
Grand Total $2664.69 (ouch!)

I got the following meds except USED insurance:
Gonal-F900 pen- 3
Cetrotide .25mg- 3
Cetrotide 3mg- 3
Ovodril HCG 10,000 units (this was free)

My grand total $3100 plus

We both went through the EXACT same pharmacy. Now tell me how that is fair???

Injection day!

2006-03-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of Gonal-F injection. My meds are yet to arrive but should be here by 3pm. I've never been so excited to get a shot in my life! We were supposed to get the meds yesterday BUT we are having insurance problems so they were delayed. Basically the first pharmacy we tried using we couldn't cause our insurance has an exclusive contract with another pharmacy. When we finally got that figured out they pulled some crap with the bill. I don't want to get into all the details cause I'll just get VERY angry again. Lets just say we ended up having the pharmacy charge my credit card and we'll deal with the insurance company ourselves. Stupid insurance. Like we don't have enough to deal with with being infertile but now we have the added stress of the insurance and finances. BLAH!!!

On the bright side today is Friday and I"m meeting family for lunch and window shopping tomorrow. Yes I said window shopping. With all the costs of treatments there won't be any real shopping for a while!!

Bloopers!

2006-03-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share some funny statements from my family. These all happened while trying to explain the protocol for the IUI.

My sister said this a couple of days ago: " so you'll go for the ultrasounds and when you're ready the doctor will put Eric's thing inside you?" ME: haha well he'll put his "stuff" inside me not his "thing"--- unstoppable laughter ensued.

My mom last night after telling her about the shots I'll be giving myself, "so you'll be injecting yourself with Eric's sperm" ME: NOOOOOO ( while laughing) "I don't think I'll be getting pregnant by injecting his sperm into my abdomen" I had to re-explain that I'll be giving myself shots to make the eggs grow!!

I'm sure there will be more bloopers to come but I just couldn't resist sharing these!! Sorry family!!

So I went to get the dildo cam again today. Everything seems fine to start the injections on Friday as long as the blood work comes back ok. Currently I"m waiting for the pharmacy to call me for my insurance information. It's been 90 minutes since the office faxed over the order so I hope they call soon. If they dont' call by noon I"ll probably call over there myself. I have to go in next monday, wednesday, and friday for ultrasounds to check growth. We'll take it from there.

I'm gonna be a pin cushion :)

2006-02-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

I"m back from the doc with excellent news!! I get to start injections THIS cycle!! So tomorrow I go in and get a baseline ultrasound and lab work and then on Friday I start the injections, Gonal-F. I then go in every M, W, F until the eggs are ready then I get a trigger shot to make me ovulate. Then Eric gets to do his part and leave his sample and I'll go in for the IUI! I"m so excited!! If we get pg this month my due date would be Dec. 4th- that's right Eric's birthday. How cool would that be!!

I also got the results from the lap. I had stage 1 endo and some adhesians which he got rid of. He also did some ovarian drilling. So my tubes are now clear and we're good to go with all the stuff now!!

I'm so excited!!

Tomorrow is the day!

2006-02-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

Well tomorrow is my follow up appointment. The timing seems to be working out perfectly. I got my period today which makes tomorrow cd2 and Wednesday cd3. So hopefully I"ll find out our protocol for the IUI and get to start this cycle. The doctor BETTER cooperate. I don't want to wait out another cycle. I already feel like we've lost 2 cycles. I know, I know we needed to for testing and I should be grateful that I was able to have the HSG and the Lap in the same cycle. I just really want this cycle to work out. It would be so great to have a baby THIS year yet. This is the last chance for that I believe. If I do get pg this cycle the due date would be early December so I suppose even if I get pg next month I could get an end of the year baby if I go early. Heck at this point I just hope I'm pregnant before Eric turns 30, better yet I hope I have a baby by the time I turn 29. That gives us about 3-4 months to get pregnant, 10 months if we aim for a pregnancy by Eric's b-day. I don't think I'd be able to handle another Christmas without a pregnancy and it would be SO nice to HAVE a baby for this Christmas!!

I am so ready to do this IUI. Bring on the needles!! My appointment is at 5:15 tomorrow so I'll update after dinner sometime.

Got Drugs??

2006-02-20T15:20:00.000-08:00

Today I decided to venture into the unknown world of drug hunting. LOL I decided to call around to some pharmacies to see if they carried the injections I'll need for our treatments next month. I felt the anticipation that drug seekers must feel when they're hunting for their next fix. The conversations went something like this: (picture anticipation and hope building) ring ring- ME: hello random pharmacist from Walgreens. I was wondering if you carried fertility medications like follistim or gonal F? P: Let me check (placed on hold to listen to random commercials for incontinance products) P: Nope sorry don't have those. ME: How long will it take to get those in? P: about 2 days ME: thanks. P: you might want to check some of the other Walgreens that are 24 hours, they might have them. ME: (thinking to myself) Ooh there is hope (adrenaline builds again)!! I called a few other Walgreens in the area and struck out at all of them. What a downer.

Wait, wait!(picture lightbulb turning on) I dug out the pamphlet for a home delivery pharmacy that my RE gave us at our first visit. Wow it says they do same day delivery. That's cool. Oh and it's free!! Wow, there has to be a catch. hmm. So I quickly looked up the pharmacy on our insurance website. OOH OOH they're listed. SCORE! I feel so much better now.

Now if we can just make it through the next week without aunt Flo showing up things will be perfect!

I'm feeling better everday. I think I'm mostly sore around my belly button area now. I do still feel a heaviness in my whole belly though. We actually ventured out to Sam's club today and I did quite well walking around for an hour or so. Of course I made Eric lift everything, but I did help load and unload the car. I probably shouldn't have because I was and still am quite sore from doing that.

We're thinking about getting a LitterMaid litterbox for Max and Oscar. Well I guess it's really for Eric since he's the one emptying the box every week. They look so cool. It's supposed to rake out the cats "presents" about 10 minutes after they use the box saving us the hastle of doing it. THen every few days we just have to empty the sealed container and refill a bit of the litter. Sounds easy right? There has to be a catch. Well the only thing we've found is that sometimes they break easily. So we'll do a little research on warrenties and then decide. Yes we LOVE doing research! Both of us look before we leap.

I"m alive!

2006-02-18T07:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I"m home and I'm ok. The surgery went ok. I was groggy most of yesterday and my mouth was SOOOO dry and I had a horrible taste in it also! That finally went away about 6pm which is when the incision started to hurt. I"m guessing the anesthesia wore off about then. I took a couple of darvocet overnight to help me sleep. This morning I'm sore around my belly button where the incision is. I can't walk quite upright at the moment and switching positions hurst a bit. Otherwise I"m doing well. I had heard of horrid gas pain, but so far I haven't had any of that THANK GOD!!

As for the results, the doc told Eric that they cleared the tube and found some scar tissue and endo. I go for the follow up on the 28th. I'm looking forward to the next step!!!

Surgery

2006-02-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

Ok, I finally got the time for my surgery. I actually called over there this morning around 10:30 after I was told yesterday that someone would contact me first thing in the morning. The women I talked to was actually very nice and I related to her really well. So I go in at 9:30am. She said I could expect to be there for 3-5 hours. After that she said she would kick me out, LOL. I did have to tell her how much I weighed which was NOT the highlight of my morning! Can't like about it with her like you do on your drivers license or you just might die from too little or too much anesthesia. Obviously this women did not know why I was having the surgery cause she asked if I was on any contraceptives. Maybe that's my problem, I forgot to stop taking my birth control pills hehe. I know people have this done for other things all the time but it just sat funny with me.

I will try to post a full report sometime tomorrow for all to see.

OOPS

2006-02-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

I went in for my pre op labs today. I had to fast, no biggy. She took 7 vials of blood and asked for a urine sample. You tell me how I"m supposed to give a urine sample when I peed when I got up and haven't had anything to eat or drink?! I went out to the waiting room and guzzled some water. Ok I thought, I think I can do this. I made my way back to the restroom. I opened the door and thought, "WOW, this is amazing". They had a huge bench with coat rack. Pretty cool!! Anyway I was quite proud of the sample I was able to give. I sat it down on the bench and proceeded to TRY and put the lid on it. Well the cup didn't like that and LEAPED off of the bench, spilling urine all over the floor. Oh No!!! I quickly grabbed the cup, saving a few drops of the sample. I then cleaned up the pee as best I could. I even used some of the whipees they had for personal cleansing, on the floor hoping to sterilize the floor. I think I got it all cleaned up. I hope they never find out what happened! I carefully put the lid on and walked to the nurses station. She was on the phone. PHEW! Hopefully she'll never know.

Now on to more waiting. I am waiting on the surgicenter to call with my surgery time. I guess they'll let me know after the test results from today are in. One of the tests they are running is a pregnancy test. HAHAHA I won't hold my breath on that one!!

We celebrated Valentines day last night with a trip to Olive Garden. In fact I'm gonna have the left overs in a few minutes for lunch. YUM!!! I'll probably get a card from Eric tonight. I don't have one for him though. Hopefully this will be the last Valentines day without our precious baby!

Currently I'm trying to figure out what kind of car we should get. I am going back and forth between a stations wagon type and a minivan. I'm looking at the Dodge Caravan at the moment. They seem to have decent prices on used ones. I have a feeling we'll go with carmax for the car. We'll hopefully be able to hold out on the new car til at least the fall. I want to know if we're having 2 babies or 1 before we completely decide. I am leaning towards a minivan though. I'm sure I'll change my mind a million times before we actually buy one though.

FINALLY!

2006-02-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

Finally the insurance cooperated!! I get my surgery on Friday. I have pre op labs tomorrow morning. So no eating or drinking after midnight tonight. I go for the labs at 7:30 in the morning. I don't think not eating or drinking will be a problem, lol! I have a follow up on Feb 28th so lets hope my body cooperates until then!

This has been such an emotional rollercoaster! I really hope it's all coming to an end and a new beginning will be upon us. Here's hoping that there are no more set backs and that the first IUI is the ticket!! We can't wait to be parents!!

INSURANCE!

2006-02-08T14:05:00.000-08:00

I HATE our insurance company! The clinic called them today to get pre-aproval for the lap next week. They said they had to "review" the reasons why I need the surgery! For crying out loud I probably have a football sized fibroid blocking my tube! I'm am so PISSED right now. We have a PPO and a high deductable so they probably won't even be paying for any of the surgery. Not to mention that we chose the same plan as last year and now for some reason we have a copay. We didn't have a co-pay last year so why do we have one this year? It didn't say anything about a co-pay when we selected the plan. Since when do people with PPO's and high deductables have co-pays?????? SO we may have to wait up to 72 hours to find out if the surgery was approved. That may mean that we dont' know til Monday. SO I"ll have to wait all weekend to know if I"m having surgery NEXT FRIDAY! I can't stand it. I need time to mentally prepare, not to mention if the surgery doesn't happen next Friday we may have to wait til next cycle which means waiting an extra month to try the IUI.

I am so frustrated right now!!!!

Optimistic news

2006-02-07T17:29:00.000-08:00

OK the appointment is over! It went slightly better then I thought. Apparently only one of my tubes is blocked- the left one. I'll be having a laparoscopy on the 17th to try to fix that. If all goes well we'll be doing injectables with intrauterine insemination. Eric aparently has low morphology, only 3% so they will be doing what's called sperm washing where it gets rid of all the bad sperm. They will then inject only the good sperm directly into my uterus. His count and motility were both normal. He gives us a 27% chance of conceiving each cycle. He will do 2-3 cycles of IUI and if I"m still not pregnant we will meet again to discuss more testing or our next steps.

That's all for now. I have to let this all sink in. I"m so excited and feel very optimistic!!

11 months!

2006-02-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday marked the 11th completed month of trying to get pregnant. It's crazy to think that last year at this time we expected to have a baby by now. We had all these plans for what we'd do with a baby for Christmas. Now 11 months later it seems sort of rediculous that we were planning our whole lives around something that never happened. After a few months we tried to stop planning our lives around a pregnancy, but now we've come full circle and are now planning our lives around it again. This time though, we're planning around testing and possible surgery or IVF. I'm hoping tomorrow we find out our schedule and plan so we know when we can go away for weekends ect. We really want this chapter in our lives to be over and a new happier one to begin. I can't wait to embrace morning sickness and extreme fatigue. Pregnancy sypmtoms seem like heaven to me right now!

TGIF- 4 days to go!

2006-02-03T14:49:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad it's Friday! Soon it will be Tuesday and time for our follow up appointment! Luckily this weekend will be full of activity so the time should go by quickly! Tomorrow we're going to Eric's parents. I will be antique shopping with his mom and he will hang out with his dad. Then of course Sunday is Super Bowl. Now if it were up to me I would just flip to see the score every once in a while, but it's not so we'll be watching the whole thing. I'm excited to see Grey's Anatomy when the "bowl" is over!! I wonder what "code black" is anyway??

Signed up for Netflix today. They have a free 2 week trial so we'll see how it goes. Blockbuster has a 30 day trial so maybe we'll try them out after the 2 weeks is over. I wonder who's service is better? The first thing I'm planning to watch is Oz the series from HBO. I'm also getting an exercise dvd. Speaking of exercise, man am I uncoordinated! I started a using a dvd yesterday and it would have been quite comical to watch me I'm sure! Today was a bit better, but boy am I sore right now. I feel it a lot in my back. We actually bought a scale hoping that it will keep me motivated to loose the extra pounds I've put on since the wedding. So far I haven't lost anything yet. I guess you can't expect much after just one day. Haha!!

I have this gut feeling that we'll have to do IVF to get our family. Because of this I"m so anxious to talk with the doctor on Tuesday. A lot of people have surgery to clear out their tubes, but I just don't think that will work for us for some reason. I guess I'm more worried about having more then 2 babies at once with IVF, almost to the point that I wouldn't want more than 2 embryo's put back in at once. But we'll cross that bridge if it comes to that. These doctors just don't understand what making us wait like this does to our wandering minds. I mean by the time I go in on Tuesday I will be fully convinced that IVF is our only way to go. We'll probably walk in there and the doc will be like oops your tubes weren't blocked at all it was just a fluke with the machine. That would be quite the shock!!

Waiting sucks!

2006-02-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

I am SO tired of waiting. 6 days seems like an eternity. The bad dreams have officially set in. I actually had a dream last night that my doctor said that the reason for our infertility was because I had "hotspots" on my brain and that as soon as he removed them we would get pregnant. I told him that that wasn't my problem at all and it was because my tubes were blocked ect. Just then I woke up because Eric sat straight up in bed and started freaking out because it was 6:40. I didn't get it at first but then I remembered that he had a dentist appointment at 7. OOPS I accidentaly set the alarm clock for 6:45 instead of 6:15. I guess my supurb memory is starting to wane. AH well I guess it couldn't last forever. I think I'm gonna actually have to start making lists instead of relying on memory alone. Don't get me wrong I still have an above average memory, but it's not as awesome as it once was. I guess I'm getting older.

Speaking of getting older my birthday is just 2 months away. I MUST remember to tell my parents I want a George Foreman grill, and a salad spinner from Eric's parents. I already told Eric I want a haircut and highlights from him. I know a haircut isn't a "real" birthday present, but it is really a gift to me from him since he really likes long hair. I just can't stand the tangles anymore!! I'm thinking I like Mimi's hair from Days. I'm not sure how he'll feel about me going that short though. I'll show him the tivoed episode tonight to see if he won't object. I am also thinking of growing out my bangs. I've never been without bangs. I've been wearing them back in a headband lately to see if I like the no bangs look. I"m just not sure.

Lost is a re-run tonight (gearing up for sweeps I suspect) so we will be continueing our 1st season of 24 marathon. Tonight is episode 7 which I think is from 6am-7am. We started watching it last night and I think I like it. It's no Lost but it was only 2 bucks from Family Video to rent so what can I say!

You want to stick that, where??

2006-01-31T10:48:00.000-08:00

Oh the fun of infertility testing. Today was my pre ovulatory testing. I had some blood work drawn and then an ultrasound. I knew it was gonna be an internal ultrasound and I had heard what the probe looks like, but it's just something you have to see for yourself. It seriously looks like some sort of sexual pleasure toy. I know this from the many bridal showers I've attended NOT from personal experience in case you're wondering. It was white, cold and had a blue light at the end. I couldn't stop my legs from shaking. All in all it didn't hurt at all and they didn't have to use the stupid, pinchy speculum that I HATE!

As for results, well that will have to wait for next week. I'm getting very frustrated with having to wait for the consult. I mean I KNOW my tubes are blocked and that I ovulate irregularly and the Eric has a slight sperm issue (nothing major). I just want to get this over with!! Bring on whatever treatments are in store. WE ARE READY!!

The somewhat good news is that both Eric and I feel closer then ever to having our beautiful baby. We've even started to think, hmm, if we have to do IVF and get twins what will we name them. We have names picked out for a boy and a girl and now we're starting to think about a second name for both. Next week we'll know more. I can't wait!!!

Odds

2006-01-27T16:14:00.000-08:00

What are the odds that I would get sick WHILE taking antibiotics? Well apparently 100% chance. I feel awful! Started coming on yesterday and is just getting worse today. I'm thinking that maybe the antibiotics killed off all of my good bacteria so I have nothing to fight off this cold! So instead of being productive today I layed on the couch finishing up my Lost season 1 marathon. I layed around in my pj's and robe til 2pm then decided to shower. I did manage to get the dishes done and make some dinner, but I think that's all although all of our clean clothes are laying on our bed so those will need to be put away before we can go to sleep.

In other news we decided to sell our time share so that went on the market today. We were planning on using that money for a new car come fall but now we might be using it to do IVF or something. I am also most likely gonna get some sort of job. Not a nursing job, but something fun probably in retail. That way I can bring in a little money but not be stressed about it. I was gonna go scope out the jobs at the mall today but since I am feeling awful it will have to wait til next week!

So my upcoming doc appointments are Tuesday for an ultrasound and then the following Tuesday for the follow up. The time is actually passing somewhat quickly and soon we'll know what our options are.

A clearer head

2006-01-26T07:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, well we've had almost 24 hours to let that bad news from yesterday sink in. I'm much more optimistic today. We still have a lot of questions for the doctor but those will have to wait for 12 more days. I want to now how this happened. I mean I've never had any infections or anything. Maybe I have endometriosis. That's really the only option I can think of.

Now the decisions have been made. If there is no way they can clear my tubes then IVF we will do. I'm not trying to rush things but we've already waited almost a year to get pregnant. We are so ready for this. I mean we have our nursery set up! Yes I know that's weird but I just couldn't help myself. Ebay is a monster! Don't worry family and friends out there, there is still plenty of stuff to get us for a baby shower (I know mom is worried about that one) Well that was quite a tangent wasn't it.

Anyway it's time for a shower and time to get some stuff done around here. Not to mention I need to finish my Lost marathon and check the Lost message boards for new theories since last nights show. I am just glad we have some sort of answer to all of this and I'm sure when I get the ultrasound next week they will figure out that I am also a bizzare ovulator. Yes we also have to find out how Eric's 3rd, yes I said 3rd, semen analysis went.

One other quick thing that I found funny the equipment at the RE's office is made by Seimens. I just thought that was funny!

Bad News

2006-01-25T14:09:00.000-08:00

Today I had my HSG. It's a test where they put dye up your uterus and into your fallopian tubes to check for blockages. Unfortunately BOTH tubes are blocked. So there was no chance in getting pregnant all these month of trying. This totally sucks. We'll know more of what our options are at our Feb 7th appointment. I'm extremely sad at the thought of not being able to have children. I'm trying to be hopefull and keep my faith but it's hard, very hard!

A book?

2006-01-23T06:35:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep the other night and starting thinking...... maybe I"ll write a book. I think it would be so fun to make an educational yet funny book about infertility. Of course it would be based on my personal experience. I won't go into too much detail as I don't want anyone to steal my idea. I think the first chapter will be called something like Honey I want to have a baby! I can't wait to get started. I have so many ideas in my head. I don't think I"ll have it published until we are succesful with a pregnancy but I can get a lot of the chapters written now!! YAY>

We're back from Iowa. Had a nice time. got to meet my sisters boyfriend. He seems nice. We had fun swimming and playing in the hot tub at the hotel. I'll try to post a picture of them. Lets see if this works.

Almost the weekend!

2006-01-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

So Lost was pretty good last night. There are always unanswerd questions though aren't there.
Tomorrow is cd3 bloodwork. I have to be at the doc by 8:30 to get it done. No big deal. We leave tomorrow for a trip to Iowa with my sis. We'll be meeting her boyfriend. Should be interesting. Hopefully we won't get caught in snow on the way there. They say it will snow all night. I wonder if there is snow in Iowa right now? I"m just looking forward to the hot tub!! YAY>

It's Lost day

2006-01-18T11:19:00.000-08:00

So today is Lost day. I'm so excited. It has to be one of the best shows on TV. One hour a week isn't enough to settle my craving for this show! I was looking at some boards today at different theories going around out there. Some of them are crazy and others down right mean! I decided not to post and just enjoy reading them. I think my favorite and in my opinion craziest is that the "others" are aliens. Personally I think it was just some experiment gone wrong which has been eluded to on the show before. As for why the plane went down on the island, well the jury is still out on that one!

In other news. I have all of my fertility appointments scheduled for this cycle. That's right the old witch arrived today. I go for bloodwork on friday, an HSG next wednesday, and an ultrasound on the 31st. I think having it broken up into chunks like that will be good and make the time go by faster. Anyone who knows me knows I hate waiting and this whole TTC process has already taken way longer then I imagined. So hopefully in about 3 weeks we should have some answers as to what the heck is going on!!